[ Her head cocked to the side as she studies him. Studies those emotions she gets from their shared Bond. Reaching out, she brushes her fingers over the back of his hand, the touch light but understanding. ]
I can imagine apathy would have been a grave insult indeed. It's far colder than either love or hate. An emptiness there's no way of filling. So she sought her revenge by bringing a part of you back. To alter what she could not accept.
He never looked at it this way. He never truly considered why it was considered an offense, he just lived on, as long as he could, fighting off her attempts at revenge.
So in this weird moment of clarity, everything falls together. Not just regarding his long ended life, but his life here, and connection to the man he was just trying to give a brief description of. It's upsetting, distressing even, this sudden realization that this apathy Berserker always displayed is something not specific to his altered form. It has always been there. After Ferdiad's death, Laeg scolded him for mourning publicly their enemy, so he learned the lesson and had no tears to spare after killing his own son.
Berserker might have resented him for having the positive emotions he thought he no longer had. But Caster... for all this time, looked at him and suppressed the question "am I going to end like this one day?" If he lived longer, would he end like this? Is this why the very idea of living again is so pointless to him?
——it's all a goddamn mess in his head right now, and it is also not a burden any of his Bonded should be made aware of. He cannot put that on them. So with a deep breath, he makes use of that apathy. Smoothing out the waves of the sudden emotions rushing through him. Dampening them from storm to a cold breeze. ]
You speak the truth. [ One that he never looked that closely on ]
[ Acting normal isn't something that he can just do, since being an actor isn't really his strong suit. So it all comes serious rather than casual. And distant ]
That man is not my enemy. We're allies now, but accidental comparisons or mistakes can happen and they don't always go well. I never intended to keep it away from you, I just couldn't figure out a good moment to bring it up.
[ I'm not that different than him is at the end of his tongue, but he doesn't allow it to be spoken. ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-01-07 10:28 am (UTC)I can imagine apathy would have been a grave insult indeed. It's far colder than either love or hate. An emptiness there's no way of filling. So she sought her revenge by bringing a part of you back. To alter what she could not accept.
1/2
Date: 2021-01-07 11:36 am (UTC)He never looked at it this way. He never truly considered why it was considered an offense, he just lived on, as long as he could, fighting off her attempts at revenge.
So in this weird moment of clarity, everything falls together. Not just regarding his long ended life, but his life here, and connection to the man he was just trying to give a brief description of. It's upsetting, distressing even, this sudden realization that this apathy Berserker always displayed is something not specific to his altered form. It has always been there. After Ferdiad's death, Laeg scolded him for mourning publicly their enemy, so he learned the lesson and had no tears to spare after killing his own son.
Berserker might have resented him for having the positive emotions he thought he no longer had. But Caster... for all this time, looked at him and suppressed the question "am I going to end like this one day?" If he lived longer, would he end like this? Is this why the very idea of living again is so pointless to him?
——it's all a goddamn mess in his head right now, and it is also not a burden any of his Bonded should be made aware of. He cannot put that on them. So with a deep breath, he makes use of that apathy. Smoothing out the waves of the sudden emotions rushing through him. Dampening them from storm to a cold breeze. ]
You speak the truth. [ One that he never looked that closely on ]
2/2
Date: 2021-01-07 12:05 pm (UTC)That man is not my enemy. We're allies now, but accidental comparisons or mistakes can happen and they don't always go well. I never intended to keep it away from you, I just couldn't figure out a good moment to bring it up.
[ I'm not that different than him is at the end of his tongue, but he doesn't allow it to be spoken. ]